Ambiguous Loss: Grieving Without Closure
Not all loss is visible. Not all grief comes with rituals or goodbyes. Sometimes, the most painful losses are the ones that are hard to name — the ones that live in the grey areas of life. This is what we call ambiguous loss.
Coined by Dr Pauline Boss, the term refers to a loss that doesn’t have a clear resolution. It’s the kind of grief that lingers, because there’s no certainty, no finality — and often, no acknowledgement.
What Does Ambiguous Loss Look Like?
Ambiguous loss can take many forms. It might be:
Having a loved one physically present, but emotionally or cognitively absent — such as in cases of dementia, addiction, or severe mental illness.
Someone being physically gone, but psychologically present — such as missing persons, estranged family members, or those who’ve cut contact without explanation.
The loss of a dream or future that hasn’t come to be — such as infertility, a diagnosis that changes life plans, or the end of a relationship that never really had closure.
These losses are especially difficult because they often go unrecognised. Without the usual markers of loss — funerals, condolences, or social support — people are left to carry their grief in silence.
The Emotional Impact
Because ambiguous loss lacks clarity, it can be incredibly disorienting. People may find themselves caught between hope and despair, unsure whether to move on or hold on. There can be guilt, anger, anxiety, and a deep longing for answers or resolution.
And yet, life goes on around us, which can add to the sense of loneliness or invalidation.
How to Cope with the Unresolvable
Ambiguous loss challenges our usual ways of coping — because there is no fix, no closure. But healing is possible, and it begins with acknowledging the loss as real and valid.
Name it. Simply recognising your experience as ambiguous loss can be powerful.
Allow mixed emotions. You can feel hope and sorrow, love and frustration — and that’s okay.
Seek support. You don’t have to go through it alone. Speaking to a therapist or joining a support group can help you feel seen and less alone.
Create your own rituals. Without traditional goodbyes, you might find comfort in writing letters, creating a memory box, or marking a date privately.
Be kind to yourself. This type of grief is uniquely hard. Your feelings make sense.
Final Thought
Ambiguous loss may not come with answers or endings, but that doesn’t make it any less real. You are allowed to grieve the things that are unclear, unfinished, or unresolved. And you are worthy of support, even when the loss is hard to explain.